First Page Feedback: What Publishing Pros Really Think

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In this Ask Beth & Lisa episode of Writers With Wrinkles, Beth McMullen and Lisa Schmid offer honest, constructive feedback on two listener-submitted first pages—one a rom-com set in Prague, the other a middle grade adventure about teleportation. Writers will walk away with actionable tips for tightening openings, developing voice, and hooking readers from the very first line.

Key Discussion Points

1. Why First Pages Matter

Beth and Lisa read submissions like acquiring editors—looking for voice, tone, character presence, and conflict within the first 350 words. Their goal: help authors identify potential, not perfection.

2. Bohemian Girl in Ruins (Rom-Com)

Set in a swanky Prague hotel, this submission grabbed attention with a bold first line ("Asshole!") and a strong protagonist voice. But the tone wavered between snarky and cynical. Beth noted the need for a flash of vulnerability to balance the humor, making Kara more relatable. Lisa emphasized the importance of trimming overly detailed prose to preserve pacing and flow.

What worked:

• Strong voice

• Great concept and setting

• Clever device: “The Bible” – a secret guest gossip log

What to revise:

• Clarify tone (cynical vs. charming)

• Show Kara’s internal conflict earlier

• Reduce emphasis on minor characters unless long-term

3. Liam Calloway and the Cosmic Conspiracy (Middle Grade)

Opening with the line “Teleportation would solve everything,” this middle grade entry intrigued immediately. Beth and Lisa praised the concept and character setup, especially Liam’s anxiety and family dynamics. But they flagged issues with distancing language (“would/could”) that kept readers from truly feeling in-scene.

What worked:

• Engaging premise

• Sensory details and emotional resonance

• Strong middle grade voice potential

What to revise:

• Shift from hypothetical to real-time narration

• Give Liam a concrete emotional stake

• Tighten intro paragraph and keep stakes clear

Conclusion and Takeaways

First pages have one job: make the reader turn to page two. This episode reminds writers that a strong voice, emotional grounding, and lean prose are the magic combo. Whether you’re writing rom-coms or middle grade, don’t be afraid to revise, trim, and test your opening until it sings.

Beth and Lisa also tease exciting developments: the launch of their video podcast on YouTube and plans for a one-day Writers With Wrinkles retreat in Northern California—more details coming soon!