How to Start Your MG Novel in the Right Place: A First Page Critique of Kiki Won’t Be Goddess of the Underworld
In this bonus episode of Writers With Wrinkles, Lisa and I dig into the first page of a brand-new upper middle grade fantasy, Kiki Won’t Be Goddess of the Underworld. If you're revising your opening chapters, trying to strengthen your character voice, or wondering whether you’ve started your novel in the right place, this episode is your new best friend.
We read the full first page aloud, then break down what’s working beautifully—and where a few strategic adjustments could make the story even stronger. This submission delivers a fantastic MG voice, great energy, and a clear emotional dynamic between characters. But like many early chapters (yes, even ours), it runs into a few common challenges: mixed mythology world-building, pacing clarity, and the eternal question of what absolutely needs to be on page one.
Why This First Page Works
Right away, the voice shines. It’s bold, funny, slightly rebellious—very much upper MG. Kiki’s attitude is clear, her worldview sharp, and her emotional stakes relatable. The tension between what she wants and what adults expect from her is both compelling and age-appropriate. Readers immediately understand this kid has her own internal compass… and it doesn’t always point where the grown-ups would like.
Where Writers Often Get Stuck (and How This Page Illustrates It)
Even strong openings can trip into familiar pitfalls. This page shows how easy it is to:
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Start the story a beat too early. Sometimes your Chapter 1 is really your warm-up. Often, the “real” beginning is hiding in Chapter 2.
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Overload the world-building. When mixing pantheons or supernatural systems, clarity is everything. Young readers track more than adults give them credit for, but they still need rules—fast.
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Let pacing wobble. Too much detail too soon can flatten tension; too little can leave readers confused about the story’s stakes.
What we loved, and what this page helped reinforce, is that small adjustments can make a huge difference. One strategically placed clarifying line, one trimmed paragraph, or one sharpened emotional beat can turn a good opening into a gripping one.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
If you’re revising your MG manuscript, this episode offers practical, actionable craft advice. Listeners will walk away with a clearer understanding of:
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How to craft a strong MG narrative voice
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How to clarify world-building in a fantasy opening
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How to identify where your story truly begins
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How to balance detail, pacing, and stakes in a first chapter
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Why breadcrumbing tension keeps young readers engaged
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What emotional dynamics resonate most with upper MG readers
These principles are relevant whether you're drafting, revising, or getting your manuscript ready to query.
Who This Episode Is For
Middle grade fantasy authors. Writers revising first pages. Anyone staring at their opening chapter and thinking, Is this the right place to start? If you want to know what grabs agents, editors, and kid readers from line one, this critique session will help sharpen your instincts and strengthen your opening.
Links & Resources
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Submit Your First Pages: writerswithwrinkles.net
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Coming Dec. 8: Our conversation with Mari Kesselring, Publishing Manager
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Beth McMullen
Author
Beth McMullen is the author of the Mrs. Smith’s Spy School for Girls series , the Lola Benko, Treasure Hunter series, and The Secret of the Storm series (Aladdin/S&S).
She is also the author of the Spy Mom series (Hyperion).
Beth lives in Northern California with her husband, kids, and very grumpy cats. She's obsessed with podcasts and might give up writing in order to have more time to listen. Could happen.
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